It's 7pm and you get a phone call. On the other end is a family member relaying information. Someone you were close to died today. After the conversation and scuffling of emotions, you head to the refrigerator, to the store, or to the local drive thru to console your emotional pain with any number of unhealthy food options.
It doesn't have to be someone dying that causes the race to food for comfort. Maybe it's a medical diagnosis. Maybe it's stress. A fight with a loved one. Or complications at work. Maybe it's your boyfriend moving 1600 miles away. But the common coping mechanism (or non-coping mechanism) is stuffing food into us to heal the wound, or relieve the pain.
In many ways it's the same concept that alcoholics and drug addicts go through, even compulsive shoppers, with one exception. You need food to live. So how do we start to learn how to cope with life's stresses and tragedies without stuffing wounds.
I'm writing this from an insiders perspective. I just happen to be an emotional eater with a graduate degree in psychology as well. My story involves using food to stuff wounds so frequently that 16 months ago, I was 423 lbs. At least that was when I weighed myself after trying a liquid diet for a couple of weeks. Honestly, I know I weighed more, but I refused to get on a scale. 16 months later, I'm 180 lbs lighter, but I still have a long way on my journey. Some of you, with only 30 - 40 lbs to lose fall into the same cycles that the morbidly obese do, with emotions and food. Others don't. But here are a couple of questions to ask yourself if you connect with anything I've mentioned above.
If you self-identify as someone who uses food to hide from pain or to stuff wounds, a centering mantra can help rivet you back into reality from the land of emotional panic. This one works for me. Write it down, tape it to your fridge, to the mirror, whatever you need to do (of course if it works for you). That thought is this:
Food will not fill the wound I have, or take away my hurt. Time, love and gentleness will.
It's normal to want to run and hide from pain. So many of us have endured so much our entire lives and are very fragile in our hearts and so pure in our souls. It's easy for us to feel mountains of pain and be afraid that the pain will, in other ways, take us to places in our minds that will destroy us. No matter how many times I've thought this, and been convinced it could happen if I let the pain out, let it go, I am always wrong. It never has destroyed me. It has, in truth, made me stronger. Allow for true emotional healing to take place, and created new opportunities to learn new coping strategies.
Here are some strategies for helping you get control of your emotional state when you're in an emotional panic or convinced that food will help heal the pain:
1) Prayer/meditation/Visualization. Release the pain to the higher power you believe in. Ask the universe for help and help to guide you. It's ok to break down.
2) Breathe. Focus on your breathing as hard as it might be, make yourself focus. Yes you can do it. Count 1, 2, 3, in and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, out. Do this 10 times.
3) Prayer/meditation/visualization. When you are calm, focus on visualizing healing your heart. There may be tears, emotional rushes, and you may need to stop and try different times or sessions to do this. Always go back to breathing when you start to get panicked or overtaken with your emotions.
Sample visualization:
Imagine a light that is pure that runs from the sun to the top of your head, through your body in a straight line, through your heart, down your system, and into the core of the earth. At first that light may be super tiny. The line may be dotted or not flowing strong. It may take several attempts to even get the line in your head. But keep trying. You can do it. It's focus. That light will eventually begin to build and be larger and stronger and with it, you will feel stronger too. The thing that grounds you, connection to the core, to your heart (also chakras but that's a whole other story) and to the sun. Let it give you strength. This light is the love of the universe.
Sample meditation:
In a quiet place, close your eyes and repeat one of the following:
- om (ohm) - you can voice it in your head or out-loud.
- Food will not heal my pain. Gentleness and love will.
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