I am the queen of yo-yo dieting. At my heaviest, I weighed in at a whopping 201lbs, and after 7 months of intense dieting and a lucky case of the stomach flu, I was able to shrink down to 141lbs. Since then I've hit every weight in between, and am currently a voluptuous 175lbs.
At 22 years old I'm once again prepared to start my weight loss journey. This time I hope for good. After an enlightening breakup, I realize why I've let myself ride this rollercoaster of weight gain.
I believe that I use my weight as a shield from actually living life, and most of all from having to get close to people. It's much easier to tell myself that he didn't like me because I was fat, or he left me for her because she is skinny and doesn't have cellulite on her pretty little size 4 behind. It's all a lie I tell myself. He didn't leave me because he thought I was fat, he left me because I thought I was fat.
I was too afraid of getting hurt to actually put myself out there, and let him know how much I actually wanted him. I was so scared of rejection that I pushed him right out the door and into her arms. It wasn't that she was thinner than me, or prettier than me, it was that she was brave enough to put it all out there and risk getting her heart broken all for the chance of finding love. I found that while I should be angry at this other woman, a part of me is grateful to her for teaching me a lesson I hope I will never forget.
I know that losing the weight for good is not going to magically give me the confidence I crave. I'm hoping that somewhere along my weight loss journey I will find myself, and learn to love myself for who I really am and to stop trying to be who other people want me to be.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
I've started by cutting out sugar, white flour, and all fried foods from my diet. In addition I'm trying to stick to a mostly raw diet. I love fruits and vegetables so hopefully it won't be too difficult. However, I do love Taco Bell!! Mmmm... Baja Chalupas are definitely a weakness of mine!
If anyone has any helpful suggestions on raw dieting or staying motivated when trying to lose weight, I would love to hear your comments! Also, if you are interested in having a weight loss buddy let me know!!
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